shhhgrrrr

memory game

2010-10-10T23:54:00.000-07:00

backward or forward or both. what you said to me this morning. how we wore each others lids throughout the day. elevation and pretty songs. lines above, by your side. teenage games never played. color coordination with new species and our cold weather digs. we were each others chairs.

days go by

2010-09-28T21:01:00.000-07:00

take offs. taking clothes off. taking risks. taking someone by the hand. wearing tears, losing focus. i got so emotional baby, every time i thought of you. i took deep breaths, i took liberties. got schooled in chemistry/nearly killed by chemistry. tell everybody now. a long time ago honey, i made a big mistake.time/travel. counting the amount of letters is a silly game. one of the many i played. daydreaming my days away. trying not to care, trying to sit still. staying up late again. breaking away from what was there. letting it go, getting it on. it took too long, but usually happened really fast. the living, that is. how i longed to be tied up and sent off. there was a pause. then an exclamation point. flowers, poetry, bedtime stories. then it was the reading and speeding (into things) that got me into trouble. i slowly began to fall apart. oh, but i thought i was being so smart! alas, more exclamations! and then elipses....back and forth, in my head, in my heart. i felt heat, i felt hurt. things don't just stop-they just change. and sometimes i just wanted to stop and sometimes i never wanted it to stop, and sometimes i couldn't stop it. we told our childhood secrets. i kept some to myself. but i do like to see boys naked! that's no secret. "it's called 'auto-pilot', it happens to me nonstop". danger danger bobbie robinson. the problem was that i saw the red flags, but they attracted me rather than hindered me.

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being nice is important when underlined twice.
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things may shift during the flight. they did.the two persons grasp the blanket with their hands just below holding slight. i tried to put myself in the corner for time out, but nobody puts bobbie in the corner. got some wounds. necessary to stop your fingertips sometimes. dislocation. disconnection. overcorrection. distance transfer (still working on this). keeping things to yourself, keeping things you don't need. all of the time...please hold on. i like knowing when the time is right and feeling it as the winds caress me in the night. knowing a new season is around the corner, ready to envelop me with its changes. it wasn't strange to see you. even when it was just a little bit. mostly it was nice. the late summer night sky, wine in a floral teacup, listening to music while sitting next to a pretty girl on the floor, imagining possibilities. i do not understand my own resistance. robert said, "keep saying these crazy things out loud!" i don't think i have a choice, but that is all for now-for the absence of words in the past year. in place of all of my days. a summary, a labyrinth.

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2009-09-25T00:10:00.000-07:00

Measurements.

2009-04-12T09:54:00.000-07:00

Time, heartache, temperature.Dancing the night away. Unintentional hiding in rooms. Coming to your senses: sight/intuition, space, sound/the voice on the other side of the wall, touch/distance.Coming to you: memories, mornings, midnight rendez-vous. Being in boxes, in different places, together and separately, throughout the world.Hiding and seeking over and over, the games we perpetuate. Partners in crime, in life.

loose teeth

2009-04-02T17:30:00.000-07:00

vagueness. individuation. anonymity.

and then something happened

2009-03-24T21:13:00.001-07:00

"It is not possible to control a mind-time with a stopwatch or metronome. In the mind-world, things spread out and go beyond time.

There is a wind that never dies.

There maybe a dream that two dream together, but there is no chair that two see together."

Yoko Ono
"To the Wesleyan People..."

per suggestion

2009-03-24T17:03:00.000-07:00

a sneak peek

how time passes (memories)

2009-03-20T10:41:00.000-07:00

1. tucked in a blanket, a slippery blanket, on the sandpaper roof under the lofty treetop, under the blanket of blacksky and starholes in the summertime. you wrote your words in whispers on papers. tacked letters to the wall. everything was illustrated, lived in. living with passion.

2. december is different for everyone, yes. reading each other's eyes. how you got to where you are. another heart exists-it always does when you have this kind. Swearing loudly, would you like a pickle? theres much more, ouch here, touch our _______,
touch more.

3. like you, I know what it is to forget. like you, I am endowed with memory. like you I have struggled with all my might not to forget. like you, I longed for a memory beyond consolation. a memory of shadows and stone. for my part I struggled every daywith all my might against the horror of no longer understanding the reason to remember.

4. I awoke at the beginning of the cold. studying another who is studying another. nobody wondering where i am and if i am okay. nobody knowing exactly where i am. focus on the issue, situation or behavior, not on the person. take initiative to make things better. something has happened, but you don't know what it is. peach tea and wool army blankets will keep you warm in the early spring. recalling avenues, treetop apartments, balconies, dim lights. sleeping in warm places.

2009-01-17T18:54:00.000-08:00

Just me, Samuel Smith Taddy Porter, a slice of pecan pie, a Hermes typewriter and some good tunes. Keeping warm, cozy, and creative tonight. Another sunshadow another flash of light. Documentation of the days. Commas. The loss of articles. Patience, innocence, meekness now. These things have floated off into a deep canyon. Buried deep deepdown like a time capsule. A fossil. It's a far place from where I once was. I come back to where I began, things uncover themselves. The manner in which I surrendered all young hope is the same as rediscovering my age-old integrity. Looking closely at things is someting that has to be learned. Being vague is somthing that cannot be denied. Secret passages. Tonight I salute solidarity. I hold the secrets with a smile. My secrets are honest, pure honey. Privacy is the joyous nectar I value and seldom share with others in times of celebration and connection. Love stories are written everyday. Even if you are alone. I am.

industry & hope

2009-01-12T16:18:00.000-08:00

You have to be your own best friend, reliable, honest, patient, with unconditional love and wonder. Staying within, going without. All of my best friends are far from where I am, so I make late night journeys through the winter wonderland, shelties along the way. I follow my fate, I find my way. A window of curious opportunity, a stairwell of strange embrace, of senseless familiarity. The fingerless flow of an evening, the asking eyes and spilling secrets, oh the fun! The less I need the more I receive. The sensitive sweetness of an enthusiatic few who have changed my view, scratched a loving thumbnail over my heart and behind my ear. This spontaneous shifting helps dissipate my troubles and eases the creases of my doubt. You have to trust your instinct, wandering, listening.

fly fly now

2009-01-05T12:52:00.000-08:00

Oh boy, I feel like lonely bird today with a pathetic whistle, trying to muster up enough strength to sing my sad sleepy song. I miss friends that are not my own, I go about my nest like it is not home. posted feathers on one's skin, in one's hair, tickling another's skin. The one that I let go, free in the wind, the one I truly miss.

The Brick Throat

2009-01-03T18:05:00.000-08:00

The quietness has chilled my blood. I imagine being eaten, cut with fork and knife. Slick skin and dry bones, tender and sweet. For each day you are absent I will fold my hands together and breathe slowly, peacefully, softly. Arousing my senses and nonsenses, making noise to fill the space that you have left open for me wander about in. Now I find I truly understand Edna's words.

wonohwonohnine

2009-01-01T21:16:00.000-08:00

counting lights while stars shoot by

waiting for the darkness of solitude to arrive